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Even After Divorce It is Always Your Kids You Ought to Worry About

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Research shows that only a small percentage of children experience serious problems in the event of divorce; it does not, however, show how much fear, confusion and uncertainty these children actually suffer. Though parents suffer before and through the divorce process, it is really the children who carry the brunt of the separation.

A number of children would even think that they are the cause of conflict and separation, while other would take the responsibility of trying to bring their parents back together, even if it would mean sacrificing themselves. Obviously, divorcing parents always leave their children out of whatever issue or conflict they have with each other, so that by the time the children become aware of the situation, it is already too late.

Children always look to adults to help them make sense of the world. This is why when conflict and anger overtake the values they have been taught to live, they begin to misunderstand things (as well as get misunderstood) and rebel. From the very start, when parents begin to lose the love and respect that bind them together, parents ought to find how to tell their children what is happening, what their involvement is in the whole thing, how it might affect them and what will happen to them – all these are to prevent whatever misdirection the children may experience.

WebMD Magazine published an article on the “Top 5 Mistakes Divorced Parents Make”; these are actually pointers M. Gary Neuman, an expert on family and divorce, offers exes:

  • Never make your children your messenger – asking your children to relay your message to your ex-spouse would only certainly cause them further stress
  • Don’t make your child your therapist – making your child your cohort by sharing with him/her your anger towards your ex or the details of the divorce may only do more harm than damage.
  • Try to “get” your kid – never impose your thoughts or what you want on your kid. Divorce can turn a child’s world upside down; listen to him/her more but without telling him/her what to think.
  • Avoid the third degree – make your child’s weekend with your spouse a comfortable experience.
  • Repair the damage you’ve already done – saying ‘sorry’ to your kids (as they reach their teen years) for whatever mistake you’ve done that led to the divorce is important, as well as telling them that you are changed man and will never let mistakes get in the way again.

While these aren’t the only ways to help smooth over the process of divorce for your children, they are a good place to begin.

3 Responses to “Even After Divorce It is Always Your Kids You Ought to Worry About”

  1. This was interesting!

  2. I shared this with my friends.

  3. Criminal defense is serious business and I am grateful that someone is writing about it.

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